Part 2
I had not cried like that in
centuries. But too many memories came from what she did. My human
wife from all those years ago when I was Vlad Dracula, who I
loved with all my heart, jumping out a window in the highest
tower and now Seras trying to shoot herself in the heart. Or did
she miss on purpose so that she would slowly bleed to death? Why
is it that those I love kill themselves, or try to? How could I
have been so blind in the first place? I should have taken care
of her, helped her but instead I drive her to try and commit
suicide. The last few hours had been so surreal. She is stable
now, but I know that no one will forget this. I have been sitting
beside her for the last two hours.
The constant beeping noise of that damn heart monitor. It is a
common misconception that vampire's hearts don't beat. They do
just very, very, very weakly. God knows how they made one to
monitor a vampire's regular heartbeat. I wasn't going to ask. All
those tubes running into her body, restoring all the blood she
had lost made her look so fragile, as if she were a porcelain
puppet and the tubes were the strings. To say she was a porcelain
puppet was too accurate. Her face was so pale; she almost blended
into the sheets. But still, she was as beautiful as ever.
I heard the door open behind me, and I turn to see Walter. We are
situated in a bedroom in the west wing of the mansion, heavy
draped covering the window. The sun has been up for a while now
but I will not sleep, I won't leave her side. I want to be here
if she wakes up, or if the worst happens.
"We found this letter in Seras' room Sir Alucard, it's for
you." He stretches out his arm and gives me a white envelope
with my name beautifully written on it in red ink. I look at it
afraid of what it will have written inside, afraid of what her
last thought of me were.
"Thank you." I heard the door shutting. I glanced
around to confirm that I was alone with her again. I took a deep,
unneeded breath and open the letter. It read:
Dear Alucard,
If you are reading this I am gone now, and can't ever return. I
know this is what you want. I have been nothing but a burden to
you, please forgive me. It is clear that I won't be missed; you
will probably throw a party. I understand that you will think
that this is a coward's way out, and I was just a weak little
pathetic creature, not even worthy of being called a vampire. I
tried my hardest, and it was never enough. You never noticed my
efforts or my accomplishments. You only cared about my failures.
Yet regardless of how cruel you were to me, my feelings never
changed. The main thing that I really need to tell you is that I
love you. I have loved you for the longest time and every time
you put me down, hit me and called me names, abused me, a part of
me inside died. I know that it means nothing to you and you never
had any feelings for me, and I understand. I have never had a man
love me. I suppose that was the way I was supposed to end up,
without love, alone. I suppose that there is nothing to really
love about me. Thank you for giving me a second chance at life,
but it was never a life. It was an existence. An existence in
which I was never happy, never cared for and will never be
missed. I have to go now, I need to do this before you or someone
else comes and finds me. It's a bit ironic, really. The weapon
that you used to kill me as a human will be the weapon that I
will use to take my life as a vampire. Strange little world this
is. Fare well my master, I will miss you most of all.
With a my heart and soul
Seras Victoria.
My tears hit the page turning it red. This isn't happening, it
can't be happening. Why the fuck did I never treat her right? I
dropped the letter to the floor and buried my face in the
matrices beside her pale, cold hand. I had never felt pain like
this before. Guilt, love, hate, despair, fear all in one. The
sobs just come now, I can't control them. It just hurts too much.
"I'm sorry, I am so so sorry Seras. I should have treated
you right. I should have noticed how you were feeling. I never
meant anything that I said. I would miss you if you died. I heard
the song that you played when you tried to kill yourself, and I
never noticed that that was your feelings. You are not worthless.
You mean so much to me. I just never voiced how I felt about you.
I was just cruel because I had feelings for you that I haven't
had in centuries. I didn't know what to do. God I am so sorry.
Please, please just wake up and tell me that you are ok,
please."
Then I remember what she said 'Give me a reason to live, just
one.'
I would give her a reason to live. Folding my arms around my head
I whimpered "Let me be your reason to live. Let me be the
one you live for and lives for you in return."
I calmed myself. I knew she couldn't hear me yet I needed to say
it all. I needed to explain myself; it was like a confession,
which I was praying she would hear. Then I felt something stroke
my hair, so delicately. I looked up and there she was, laying
there, crying, weakly smiling at me. For once in my long life my
prayers actually got answered. Her hand moved to remove my tears,
and rest against my cheek. I move her hand and kiss her palm. She
had heard everything.
"I promise that I will be your reason to live Seras."
She squeezed my hand and beckoned me closer, I moved so that I
was closer to her, my face next to hers.
"Thank you, my master." I smiled and stroked her cheek;
it was cold and as white as snow.
"Call me Alucard, ok?" She nodded and pulled me closer
so I was completely on the bed with her.
"Stay here with me, please. I don't want to be alone right
now." I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her carefully
to me.
"Of course. Now get some rest. You have lost quite a lot of
blood." She gave a soft nod and closed her eyes.
"And Seras..." Her eyes opened again and she looked
right at me.
"I love you to." It was quite funny the way her eyes
widened, I half though they would come out the sockets. She
nuzzled into my chest and murmured something incoherent. I felt
that it would be safe to sleep, but I knew the next few days
would be quite ruff getting her back on track, but I was willing
to take the time. I would have to show her how much she really
meant to everyone
especially me.